Awesome? Really?
Do you choose your words, or do they choose you?
SELECTING WORDS, and forming sentences, and turning sentences into paragraphs takes concentration and patience. It’s much easier to default to the words and phrases that have served us in the past. That’s why people say, without thinking, “Good thanks, how are you.” Or, “Pleasure to meet you.” Or, “How are the first few bites tasting?”
To spare ourselves the brain activity required to speak and write in a considered way, we develop shortcuts—which become well-trodden neural pathways—for much of our everyday communication. If someone asks how dinner was, or the Canucks game, or the holiday weather, we might say, “It sucked.” As a positive response, “Great,” or “It was awesome.” We tend to say the same things over and over.
The original Oxford English Dictionary, completed in 1928, contained over 400,000 words (and many more when you add in technical and scientific terms). If you’re a college graduate, you might use 12,000 words in a year, maybe three percent of the available vocabulary. Did I mention we tend to say and write the same things over and over?
It bugs me when sportscasters chide each other for using unexpected language. Uppity and pretentious, I guess is the objection. Much better to say the same things ad nauseum, to trade in the fake-excited play-by-play and bland cliches that pass for commentary and analysis. Pity the poor rookie who has to answer, for the tenth time, “What do you guys have to do in the third period?” a) “Stay out of the penalty box.” b) “Get more traffic in front of the net.” c) “Come out strong to start the period.”
DID I MENTION we tend to say the same things over and over?
How are you? “Awesome.”
How’s that chili dog? “Awesome.”
What was Whistler like? “Awesome.”
Video of an elephant saving her baby from hyenas? “Awesome.”
I’m literally making fun of an awesome friend who says “awesome” or “literally” almost every time he speaks. Now, suppose he was literally fined $100 each time he said or texted “awesome.” He’d force himself off that neural pathway, think for a moment, and literally come up with a more descriptive reply.
How are you? “Overworked, but otherwise fine.”
Chili dog? “Spicy. Delicious.”
Whistler? “Perfect conditions, skied all day.”
Video of elephant saving her baby? “Made me emotional.”
HERE’S AN EXERCISE to nudge you off those neural pathways. When you hear yourself say something the way you always say it—“What do you wanna do tonight?”—stop and express the same thought in a fresh way: “Any ideas for fun activities this evening?” Pretend you’re a baron or baroness and ask the question as they might. Pretend you’re a philosophy professor at Berkeley. A plumber who’s fixing your sink. (It helps to have a partner or friend to support you in this little game.)
“Seen anything good on Netflix?”
“Seen any streaming shows or series you’d care to recommend?”
“What kind of dog is that?”
“I’m curious to know the breed and provenance of your puppy.”
“I’ll bet the Jays are gonna blow it again.”
“I never expect the Jays to hold on to a one-run lead.”
WHY BOTHER, you ask? Because you’re having fun with language. You’re deliberately choosing your words, rather than letting them choose you. You’re building new neural pathways, becoming more expressive, and putting more of your vocabulary to work.
Another exercise along similar lines. List six words you use often—someone’s list might include “challenge,” “strategic,” “amazing,” “excited.” (Don’t even get me started on “epic” and “iconic.”) If you don’t know the ones you default to, just ask friends or colleagues. Put the list on a sticky note on your computer. Now try to go a whole week without saying or writing a single one of them.
Good luck. If you’re like Ross Rules clients who’ve given it a shot, you’ll find that it’s frustrating. Your familiar words are so ingrained, your response so automatic, that it’s really hard. Once you’ve trained yourself to slide “literally” or “awesome” into nearly every sentence, it’s almost impossible to break the habit. But it’s an awesome exercise. (Oops—a highly useful exercise.) Why? Because it alerts you to your defaults, expands your vocabulary, and helps you communicate with greater variety and nuance.
One of the Ross Rules is BE DELIBERATE. It’s simply a suggestion to be mindful of the word choices you’re making without realizing you’re making those choices. Here’s a neural-pathway-blasting challenge: Commit to a week of not saying or writing the six things you always say. Make a real effort. Keep track of each time you slip up. Let me know how it goes.
(And, if you must, e-transfer those $100 fines to garyland55@gmail.com.)
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