A FEW WEEKS AGO I did a post that included a piece for children called “The Upside-Down Cake.” Owing to the flood of requests I’ve received for more such content, I hereby introduce you to “The Glurb.” (Note: 1 or 2 requests = a stream. 3+ = a flood.)
The Glurb
It started as a tiny dot
No bigger than a speck of snot
Where it came from I know not
No harm in saying hello, I thought
Hi! he peeped, to my surprise
You look so very kind and wise
I see it in those friendly eyes
Let’s have some fun and eat some fries
Since it was almost time for bed
I knew I’d better keep my head
I’ve got a cool idea, I said
We’ll hang out in my room instead
I hid him in my messy hair
Snuck him up the kitchen stairs
Plunked him on my beanbag chair
He’d grown at least a foot, I swear!
You’ve grown, I said. You grow so fast!
I know I do, I get quite vast
Who cares, he said, we’ll have a blast
We’ll scratch the walls and cut our hair
And throw the crayons everywhere
We’ll build a fort beside the chair
And raise a flag of underwear
After that we’ll fight a bear
You’re Marcel and I’m Pierre. . .
Wait, I said, you kind of stink
We’d better go wash up, I think
I took him to the bathroom sink
To wash his face and get a drink
Alarmed, I saw his cheeks turn pink
And tears run down with every blink
Oh dear, I said, I feel so sad
I’ve made you cry, I really have
Did I do something awfully bad
To make you feel so very sad?
No, it’s not that kind of pain
It’s fear of running down the drain
I melt in water, he explained
Please don’t get me wet again
We tiptoed back across the hall
The Glurb had grown strangely tall
He tried my jammies, tried them all
But all my jams were way too small
Oh no, he said, I’ve grown some more
Being a Glurb is such a bore!
I should have said goodbye before
Now I won’t fit through the door
I read the Glurb a funny book
About a dog who liked to cook
Now and then I snuck a look
The Glurb’s humongous body shook
Then I heard Mom on the stair
Hide! I said. The Glurb said, Where?
Up here! Oh, dear! Hide anywhere!
Yoo-hoo, Mom called, are you in there?
Turn out the light! Pretend to sleep!
With that the Glurb began to weep
I can’t! he wailed, a sobbing heap
Then hide! And not another peep!
Before the Glurb could find a spot
Mom was at the door and knocked
I tried to block her but could not
She entered and went into shock
Good grief! she cried. Is that a Glurb?
They’re dangerous, or so I’ve heard!
Desperate, mother grabbed a broom
I turned and felt a sense of doom
The Glurb now filled up half the room. . .
Run! said mother. Run away!
He’ll smother you! Do not delay!
The monster’s back! You mustn’t stay!
Down the kitchen stairs I ran
Fast as fast as scared legs can
I couldn’t think of any plan
Then Dad caught me – Help! I began. . .
The Glurb? he smiled. Come sleep with us
It’s much too late for all this fuss
The Glurb again? That rotten cuss?
This is something we’ll discuss
I pulled the quilt up to my chin
Shivering at the thought of him
Happy to be snuggled in. . .
Dad put a pillow behind my head
And went to make me jam and bread
But sometime in the night instead
He put me back in my own bed
Sunbeams woke me up at dawn
I pulled my pants and T-shirt on
Even though the blind was drawn
I knew the giant Glurb was gone
That’s the thing about Glurbs, you see
They grow much bigger than you or me
Bigger than the oldest tree
The biggest ship on the deepest sea
Bigger than mountains, bigger than Mars
Bigger than a million candy bars. . .
They cause grownups an awful fright
By scaring children late at night
They twist and warp, they’re awfully queer
Like faces in a funhouse mirror
That make you cry and shake in fear. . .
Then, in the first light of day
Just when you think they’re here to stay
To torment you in every way. . .
They disappear!
WHEN MY DAUGHTER was little, I read this story to her class at school. Afterwards, the teacher instructed everyone to draw a picture of the Glurb, and asked them: “What is a Glurb, anyway?”
Hands shot up. One girl said, “A bad guy.” Another said, “It’s like a cat that’s fat and goes under your bed.” My favourite answer came from an older, cynical, cold-hearted kid at another school, who said, “It isn’t anything. He just made it up.”
To introduce kids to the elements of storytelling, I ask younger ones who the main character is. Who are the secondary characters? Where does the action take place? What was the beginning, middle, and end of the story? Was anything really scary? Did it have a happy ending?
With an older class, I ask what choices the speaker makes along the way. What changed from the start of the story to the end? How many characters are there in the story? If you could be one of those characters, which one would you be?
Most kids said, “The Glurb!”
Kids rule.
What a delightful story for young and older.
So much fun and I loved the picture of the mirror!